


Blooming for Purple

by lovetalkwoo



Series: The Little Ways In Which a Heart Breaks [4]
Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Accidents, Alternate Universe - After College/University, Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Middle School, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst and Tragedy, Best Friends, Character Death, Childhood, Childhood Friends, Childhood Memories, Childhood Trauma, College, Coming of Age, Flowers, Fluff and Angst, Friendship, Growing Up, Growing Up Together, Heavy Angst, High School, Lee Taeyong-centric, Long-Distance Friendship, M/M, Male Friendship, Mentioned Chittaphon Leechaiyapornkul | Ten, Middle School, Panic Attacks, Platonic Male/Male Relationships, Platonic Relationships, Post-High School, Romantic Soulmates, Soulmates, Teen Angst, Time Skips, University
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-24
Updated: 2020-11-24
Packaged: 2021-03-10 01:41:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,085
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27695714
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lovetalkwoo/pseuds/lovetalkwoo
Summary: In an reality where flowers grow on your body to match your soulmate's wounds, Taeyong finds himself loving and losing his better half long before their time even came.
Relationships: Jung Yoonoh | Jaehyun/Lee Taeyong, Lee Taeyong/Chittaphon Leechaiyapornkul | Ten
Series: The Little Ways In Which a Heart Breaks [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1688125
Comments: 5
Kudos: 27
Collections: NCT Bigbang Round 1





	Blooming for Purple

**Author's Note:**

  * For [cabbage_s](https://archiveofourown.org/users/cabbage_s/gifts).



> i just want to thank my amazing beta, cab, for helping me throughout the entire process. had it not been for her, this fic would not be here.

**PRESENT DAY**

“your soulmate sure gets hurt an awful lot…” jaehyun comments suddenly, as if the both of them hadn’t already come to realize that after years and years of uprooting daisies from taeyong’s skin, “seems like a bike accident this time.”

taeyong nods silently because he doesn’t have any other way to explain the bouquet that spread from his shoulder to his forearm and from his hip to his calves.

god, _especially his calves_.

taeyong closed his eyes. he’s shaking.

with frustration? exhaustion?

taeyong felt a little bit of both.

“though, good news, the accident doesn’t seem too bad.” jaehyun smiled weakly at his best friend. his lips pursed tightly.

taeyong took a deep breath, his chest rising, and exhaled heavily through his nose.

he nodded.

“well, uh…” jaehyun stands up and pats his knees clean, one hand clutching enough daisies to fill a roadside flower stand, “you wanna check to see if they’re growing anywhere else?”

taeyong numbly shuffled around his own body and looked under his clothes before reaching up cautiously to look for daisies underneath his head of black hair.

his finger travels.

further

and

_further_

until...

taeyong shakes his head, “no.”

 _relieved_.

“great, okay.” jaehyun sighed, stepping on the pedal of the bin in taeyong’s open kitchen to release the lid. he tosses them in and watches as they trickle slowly against the plastic surface of the garbage bag. “well, uh, you hungry?”

but jaehyun didn’t have to look up at taeyong to see what he’s thinking.

god, taeyong’s thoughts were so fucking loud.

it’s almost claustrophobic.

“do you think they’ll be okay?” taeyong blurted, his head diving straight into the palms of his hands. he’s tired and his voice was coarse.

in that moment, jaehyun wished he knew the right words to string together and comfort his best friend, but nothing comes to mind.

the silence thickens just a little bit more.

✿

 _“remember, whatever the fuck happens, call me. for real, okay?”_ that’s what jaehyun always says before he leaves. like as if it was taeyong who was going to bleed out in the middle of the night.

taeyong sighs and slumped deep into the back of his sofa with his legs stretching in front of him on the coffee table as the same all-too-familiar ticklish sensation started its way up the right side of his body again.

this time though, he lets it slide.

though, it wasn’t like there was anything else that he could do about it even if he wanted to.

these daisies… they just happen.

stupid fucking daisies...

**2007**

the sun, big and imposing as it nosily peeked through the corners and slid under stalls in the men’s bathroom. the same one that taeyong was curled up in, freaking out on the school’s toilet seat cover with one hand covering his left eye and jaehyun on the other side, rattling the door.

“taeyong.” he hisses, afraid to attract the attention of others, “open the door, let me help you. or, do you want me to get the nurse? she might have something helpful.”

but nothing.

not even the sound of a foot losing its stance. 

sighing, jaehyun rammed the side of his fists against the red, cold plastic doors once again. it’s loud and it travels to all the other stalls, “ _taeyong_ , open the door.”

“go away…” taeyong musters, though he didn’t really mean it, “just go away.”

“ _no_.”

“leave me alone.”

“ _open the door_.”

“you’ll think i’m weird.”

“why?”

taeyong drops his foot onto the tiles in the bathroom, crashing on top of the toilet seat cover, “ _just_.”

“well,” jaehyun starts, “i _already_ think you’re weird as heck.”

and, from the other side, jaehyun hears a little chuckle.

a sad one.

but a chuckle nonetheless.

“will you come out?” jaehyun pushed again.

“no, it’s stupid. just go.”

“it’s not stupid, let me see what i can do.”

“ _it is stupid, just forget it_.” taeyong bit back.

“no.”

jaehyun banged his fist all about the red door once again, “not stopping until you tell me what’s wrong.”

“no.”

“your call.” and the door continues rumbling.

and it echoes, bouncing off of every single surface in the men’s bathroom.

taeyong sits, though.

he waits.

neither of them budged and the rumbling goes on for a little too long.

“why do you care?” taeyong huffs, finally, voice reaching to be louder than the still going rumble of the bathroom doors, “go to class or something.”

“no.”

“if i show you will you stop?”

jaehyun asked, slowing down. “promise?”

with that, taeyong’s shoes began shuffling and jaehyun takes a step back.

slowly, the door creaked open and taeyong steps out, one hand covering his left eye. and, in between the cracks of his fingers, lovely white petals, peeking through.

✿

“do they hurt?” jaehyun whispered.

taeyong shook his head, “no, but they tickle.”

he was back in the stall again.

except, this time, he had jaehyun with him.

“they tickle?” jaehyun asked as he reluctantly reached out for taeyong’s left eye, “is it okay if…” he trails off, not really sure how to refer to the field of swaying white and yellow on taeyong’s face.

taeyong nods softly as he gently guided jaehyun’s finger around his upper-left cheek, “it doesn’t hurt when you touch them either…” his eyes traveled away from jaehyun’s hand and up to meet his eyes, “it’s so weird…”

jaehyun nods, “it’s not weird.”

his hand brushing lightly as he unknowingly leaned closer and closer to get a better look.

“what do you think they mean?” jaehyun whispered against the surface of taeyong’s cheek, hands turning over to brush the surface with the back of his hand.

taeyong shrugged weakly.

jaehyun pursed his lips and stands up straight and says, “we should tell someone.” immediately receiving a reaction from taeyong who hitches his breath and leans far back with his head shaking.

“why not?” jaehyun frowns, “someone might know what this means.”

“what if they send me away?”

“what? taeyong…”

“this isn’t usual, is it?”

jaehyun stares.

he doesn’t know what to do either.

all he really did know was that he’s never seen this happen to anyone else.

jaehyun’s eyes dart around to consume taeyong’s sad, drooping complexion, “okay. but we need to do something about them. you can’t walk around like that.”

taeyong nods and brushes away the tears on his right cheek, “how are we going to do that?”

“i don’t know…” jaehyun mutters truthfully, “i guess we have to pluck them.”

taeyong’s face scrunches reflexively, but only momentarily. his lower lips twitched slightly.

but he knew they had to go eventually.

“okay…” he sighed.

“tell me if it hurts.”

taeyong nodded weakly.

✿

but the thing was: _it didn’t hurt_.

not a bit.

the daisies uprooted themselves without a struggle.

and, within seconds, jaehyun had picked all the daisies.

leaving no evidence.

taeyong stared into the mirror, “they’re gone...”

his finger brushed back and forth on his cheeks like he’s never felt it before. caressing and admiring like he’s never seen skin before. he couldn’t really help himself.

“they’re gone.” taeyong repeated as he broke into a bright smile, “and there’s no scar.”

he shakes his head.

he doesn’t believe it.

taeyong opened his mouth to laugh, “they’re gone!” but jaehyun doesn’t join in.

“not entirely.” jaehyun muttered, staring down at the pile of flowers in the sink.

but taeyong didn’t want to hear it.

all that he knew was that the flowers had disappeared.

no longer his to worry about.

“it’s good enough.” taeyong shrugs, “let’s go.” and reaches for jaehyun’s hands, pulling him out of the men’s bathroom.

that day, in the boy’s bathroom on the third floor, daisies were found in the bin by the sink.

✿

_“we will never speak of this again.” jaehyun remembered reaching his right hand out into the space between him and taeyong. and he remembered them both shaking on it. nodding as they did._

so, jaehyun wondered as he sits up straight against the frame of his bed, why was taeyong crying about the flowers on the other side of the line?

“i don’t understand.” taeyong hiccupped, “i thought we took care of them.”

jaehyun didn’t know what to say.

truthfully, he’s not even sure if he _should_ say anything.

so he keeps quiet.

he lets taeyong spill all his worries through the three little speakers at the top of the phone until he couldn’t cry anymore — “ _maybe they’ll go away in the morning_.”

and though jaehyun’s not sure if he can promise that, “maybe,” he does so anyway, “yeah.”

he sighs through his own speaker.

“sorry.” taeyong sniffled.

“for what?”

“for always coming to you when i have a problem.”

jaehyun shook his head as if taeyong was in the room with him, “what are best friends for?”

“ _still_ …”

“no.”

on the other line, he can hear taeyong chuckle in defeat, “thanks.” and shuffle in his own bed.

“hey,” jaehyun said, breaking the silence, “taeyong?”

“yeah?”

“what if this is your origin story?”

“my origin story?” taeyong cocked his head to the left, “like for a superhero?”

“yeah! you know, like the swamp thing.”

at that, taeyong laughed.

though jaehyun knew that it was nowhere near genuine. that it was just a chuckle that taeyong had forced through his nose to lighten the atmosphere.

but he let taeyong have it, tonight was his.

 _all his_.

“yeah? what would my superhero name be?” his best friend inquired from the other line

“well, it must have something to do with flowers.”

“flowers… hmmm,” taeyong hummed, “flowers…”

“what about ‘daisy man’?”

taeyong scrunched his nose and snorted, “daisy man? that’s terrible,” he laughed, “no, no. i was thinking ‘flower boy’.”

“flower boy?” jaehyun repeated, relaxing a little as he falls into his pillow, “what is flower boy’s superpower?”

“he cheers people up by delivering flowers.”

jaehyun nodded with a big smile on his face, saying nothing.

“and,” taeyong continued, “the best part is: he always has flowers on the go.”

“fricking brilliant,” jaehyun whispered, “that’s pretty amazing. he’s like…” and trailed off as he strands himself in his thought.

“the ultimate superhero.” taeyong giggles with his whole face, “and you’re boy kindness.”

“boy kindness?”

taeyong nodded, hand reaching out for the other pillow on his bed, “yes. you’re boy kindness. you’re flower boy’s sidekick.”

“yeah?” jaehyun shook his head at the absurdity of the conversation, but pushing taeyong on anyway, “what is boy kindness’s superpower?”

there was a hum and jaehyun knew that taeyong was biting his fingernails, “stop that.” he says.

“stop what?” taeyong asked, completely oblivious of the nail between his teeth.

“stop biting your nails, it’s not good.”

“oh.” taeyong drops his right hand back onto his pillow with pink cheeks, “old habits.”

jaehyun shakes his head and sits up to adjust his pillow. his right arm slowly falling asleep.

“so, boy kindness’s superpower…” taeyong begins once more, “his superpower is teleportation.”

“teleportation? how so?”

“he can sense when someone around the world needs kindness and he uses teleportation to bring flower boy to the place he needs to go.”

jaehyun gave a soft, ambiguous hum.

“why? you don’t like it?” taeyong asks through the speaker. he’s laughing.

jaehyun smiles.

 _it’s nice to have taeyong back again_.

“no, it’s just that boy kindness sounds like he could be the superhero and flower boy sounds like he could be boy kindness’s sidekick.” jaehyun teases.

“wait, what?” taeyong muttered more so to himself as he re-organized his thoughts, “no, but flower boy delivers happiness.”

“yes, but without boy kindness, flower boy can’t deliver happiness to _everyone_ , can he?”

“hmm.” taeyong gave that a thought, “but boy kindness can’t deliver infinite happiness.”

“i guess not.” jaehyun smiled.

a wave of silence floods the conversation as taeyong does his best to fit jaehyun’s opinion into the narrative that he had just spun.

“what if they were both superheroes?” taeyong said after sitting on the idea too seriously for too long.

“like best friend superheroes?”

“yeah!” taeyong smiled brightly, “like best friend superheroes.”

jaehyun smiled, “i’d like that.”

“i like it, too.” taeyong yawned.

“you’re probably mad tired…”

“yeah.” said taeyong, gently, “i think i might head to bed.”

“no problem. well, goodnight?”

“yup, _goodnight_ , _best friend_.”

jaehyun’s lips pursed to prevent his sigh from escaping before he hung up, “you too. goodnight, best friend.”

he slowly pulled the phone away from his ear and snapped it shut before placing it on the pillow next to him.

jaehyun sighed.

 _there must be an explanation for this_ , he thought.

✿

“i’m leaving!” jaehyun called out to his mother as he made his way out of his home and towards the front to greet a glum-looking taeyong, “hey,” he said, trying not to push taeyong’s buttons, “your daisies, they’re gone?”

taeyong shook his head, “no,” and carefully reached into his pocket to pull out a bundle of freshly plucked daisies, “there’s less of them, but they’re still growing.”

he sounded defeated.

“well, you know…” jaehyun mutters nervously as he reached his hands up to tug at his backpack’s straps, “i was searching it up last night — on the computer, i mean.”

taeyong lifelessly hummed a note in response.

jaehyun could tell that taeyong wasn’t mentally there, but he went on anyway.

“i think i found something,” he said.

✿

“ _what_?” taeyong’s brows have never felt so tense as he took in all the information that jaehyun had just dumped onto his lap.

well, that and the still-growing daisies that jaehyun had been pulling for the past few minutes.

 _they just keep growing_.

every time they thought that they were done, they’d begin cleaning.

only to have it all to grow right back the moment taeyong stepped outside of the bathroom.

it was like the daisies _wanted_ people to find out about them. for people to point. to gasp. to look at in disgust and discomfort.

taeyong took a deep breath and tried his best to sit still.

“well, that’s what they said on the forums so you don’t have to worry about it anymore.” jaehyun nodded, hands reaching in to pull out another daisy from taeyong’s cheek, “everyone will go through it in their lifetime.”

“are you sure? everyone?”

jaehyun nodded proudly.

another daisy.

they were slowly filling up the bin again.

taeyong looked down at the pile of daisies to his right and sighed, “that’s terrible...”

“what do you mean?”

“if what the people on the forum is saying is true, then... _these_ ,” he picks up a piece of flower in jaehyun’s small hand, “they’re growing because someone out there — _someone that’s, i don’t know, ‘bound to me’?_ — is hurt. has a bruise. maybe a scab. was _bleeding_.”

jaehyun nodded his head nonchalantly, “...yes,” like it was the most obvious thing.

taeyong scowled at his best friend’s reaction.

“but at least now we know it’s something that everyone goes through.” jaehyun was trying his best to nitpick at the silver lining of the situation, “so, i guess it’s okay?”

“what?”

jaehyun sucked his teeth out of frustration, “you know, like, because it’s normal — _natural_ , or whatever — then it’s not so bad, right? like people get hurt anyway, it’s just now we know when this specific person that’s tied to us gets hurt.”

“that’s terrible.” was all that taeyong could muster, “how can everyone else just… _be okay_ when this person that’s meant to be their _soulmate_ , essentially, could be terribly hurt?” he wanted to cry, “just, god, these… _these flowers_.”

but jaehyun only shrugged as taeyong hunched over and into his own palms.

shrugged like _what is there for us to do_?

**PRESENT DAY**

the sun was out at six-thirty the next morning. and, while it was out, it worked diligently into the living room. one furniture at a time until it found its way to taeyong’s eyes.

his sleep ridden eyes with deep cutting dark circles.

god, if jaehyun was here and if he could see taeyong curled up like this… halfway on the couch, halfway on the floor…

well, he’d be frowning.

a big, fat frown.

one that taeyong would give him shit for — “ _and this is why you have fucking wrinkles_.”

and then jaehyun would retaliate saying something along the lines of, “ _i wouldn’t have to age so fucking quickly if you’d just take care of yourself_.”

but jaehyun wasn’t here.

it was just taeyong and the sun.

taeyong exhaled deeply as he slowly stretched to greet the sun, “fuck,” he groaned.

it took everything in him to roll on over to his left side, then off the couch.

✿

“you okay?” jaehyun asked almost immediately as taeyong picked up the phone.

taeyong nodded, forgetting that jaehyun couldn’t see him.

“well, you didn’t call,” jaehyun said, “i just wanted to make sure you’re okay. you know, you get kind of… sensitive when _they_ grow.”

“yeah, i’m fine. i’m sorry i made you worry.”

“no, i’m sorry i came onto you like that.”

then there was a pause as taeyong set his phone down on his dresser to finish buttoning his shirt.

“but you’re sure you’re okay?” jaehyun’s voice came out like a whisper.

an uncertain whisper.

like as if he wasn’t sure if it was okay for him to ask that.

taeyong tiredly nodded as he fixed his last button, “yeah, i’m fine. seriously, don’t worry about it.”

“okay, well… good luck at work, i guess. i’ll see you sometime this weekend?”

“yeah, and hey,” he said, “don’t make plans this sunday, okay? dinner’s on me.”

“sure, okay.” jaehyun teased, “let’s go to that fancy thai restaurant.” then he hung up, giggling, before taeyong could further the conversation.

**2008**

it was a thursday. just two days before school ended for the year.

 _two days_.

the sun was so bright.

that was the only thing that taeyong remembered about that day.

he doesn’t remember the daisies that trailed up his back and into his black hair, swaying with his every movement. he doesn’t remember the terrible wave of despair that came just moments before he passed out, _sprawled_ , on his bathroom floor. he doesn’t remember how cold the floor felt against his arm. he doesn’t remember the way his sister entered his room, initially annoyed that he didn’t seem to be ready for school yet.

he doesn’t remember the way her scream pierced the walls of the house.

how it pulled his mother up from downstairs like a trance.

flying up the stairs like she had grown a pair of wings.

the way his mother cried.

taeyong especially doesn’t remember the frantic call that was made to the emergency room — “ _my son… please, help_.”

all he does remember was how stale everything was when he woke up.

the hospital gown, the numbing needle in his arm…

oh, god; _the smell of decay and old age_.

stale and unimaginably pale.

“taeyong?” he hears a coarse voice urgently coo at him like he was going to disappear any moment.

he turns around.

no, he turns his head — it felt like concrete — and, with his still recovering vision, he sees his mother turning away from her conversation with a man in a stale, white coat.

she looked so sad. more sad than he had ever remember seeing.

god, she always looked so proper.

taeyong always imagined that that was how she was made; _perfect, beautiful, loving_.

he weakly squinted at the woman in front of him, shrivelled clothes (it looked like pyjamas) with a fuzzy coat over it. her hair was a mess.

“taeyong…” the woman calls at him once more.

✿

taeyong missed the last day of middleschool — the doctor insisted that he was not mentally strong enough to go home just yet — and his mother be with him the moment he woke up.

after school and work hours, his father would walk in with his sister and the three of them would stay with him until the very last second of visiting hours.

visiting hours was never long enough.

and though he was really only in the hospital for two nights and three days — he was discharged at 4PM on the third day — it felt like months. he swore he was learning to walk all over again.

his mother pulled him tightly into her arms as they all walked back to his father’s car, “oh, taeyong, _i love you_.”

**✿**

for the next two week since he was discharged from the hospital, taeyong felt like he was someone else living under a different roof with a completely different family.

not to mention, completely under surveillance.

every time he scratched himself, it was like he had been dropped right in the middle of a group of lemurs.

they just... _stare_.

like at any moment now, he’d see his flower and just drop to the ground.

but that wasn’t even the worse part. at least he knew what they were doing when they would stare at him scratching himself. 

what he hated the most was the whispering…

constantly _whispering_ behind his back.

even when he invites jaehyun over, his mother would pull jaehyun to the side and just whisper frantically in words he could never make out.

“what did she say?” taeyong would always ask, but jaehyun only shrugged.

“it’s nothing, she just wanted to ask about my mum.” that’s what jaehyun would say.

and, for two weeks, that was enough for taeyong.

he didn’t think to question jaehyun.

at least, he didn’t feel like he wanted to know about it that badly.

until today.

jaehyun was scratching his left arm incessantly — _scratch, scratch, scratch…_

the sound filled up the room like it was nobody’s business and just sits; heavy on both of their shoulders as they tried their best to focus on their screen (they desperately wanted to finish level ten before next weekend).

but the scratching only became even more obnoxious the more they ignored it.

until, taeyong just couldn’t do it anymore. he paused the game, “ _seriously, what the hell_?”

“what?” jaehyun asked, his voice airy, with his eyes wide open.

“what’s wrong with your arm?”

jaehyun shrug, subconsciously turning the left side of his body away from taeyong.

“you keep scratching your arm — _i can hear you_.”

“okay? and?” jaehyun stands up, “is it a crime to itch?”

jaehyun wasn’t very good at lying. 

in fact, he was terrible at it.

purple petals fall softly out of his pocket; it doesn’t take a genius to connect the two dots.

“why are you hiding it from me?” taeyong asked. almost lifeless.

“what do you mean?”

“you’re hiding your flowers from me.”

“i don’t know what you’re talking about.” jaehyun shoves his two hand into his pockets; it only made things worse as even more loose petals rush their way out of their hiding place.

“they’re purple.”

“drop it.”

taeyong looks at his best friend who was kicking the purple petals around, “i’m not a baby.”

“i never said you were.”

“but you think it, don’t you?”

jaehyun looks up at taeyong with his brows creased and lips frowning, “ _i don’t_.”

“then stop hiding it from me.”

“i’m not hiding it from you, i’m just…”

“just?”

“exercising my right to remain silent.”

“what?”

“i don’t know,” jaehyun shrugged, his hands still in his pockets, _he’s red_ , “i see it on the american tv shows all the time.”

“oh.” taeyong sighed. he almost breaks. he almost laughs.

but every time he sees the purple petal and the sound of jaehyun’s socks swiping against the wooden floor… taeyong feels the embarrassment run up his body all over again.

“is it because of what happened?” taeyong demanded.

jaehyun looks at his best friend. his mouth stutters with no words flowing.

then, he stops and drops his head, “i don’t know…” he starts, “it’s just been really … really fucking difficult, okay? your mum told me how...”

“how what?”

“ _i don’t know_ ,” jaehyun shrugged, “just, it’s difficult being around you now that—”

“difficult being around me?”

jaehyun slumped onto his bedroom floor, “that’s not what i meant...” and sighs, “your mum just told me to be careful about these things. can’t talk about this. shouldn’t mention that. i don’t know.”

“like what things? _i’m still the same_.” taeyong said, though he’s suddenly not sure if jaehyun believes it.

jaehyun let out a frustrating sigh, not really sure which words to use, “i didn’t even know the flowers were that bad for you.”

“they aren’t.” taeyong said. his voice heavy and his fingers digging into his palms.

“ _you went to the hospital because of them_.”

“and? is that what mum’s been telling you?”

“she just said to be careful. i don’t know. might trigger you or something. _i don’t know_.”

there was a beat of silence as jaehyun sat there, taeyong looking at him with a mixture of anger and confusion.

but taeyong said nothing so jaehyun continued, though sometimes he wished he hadn’t, “it feels like i have to step around your problem when i’m with you, okay? it’s a bit stressful like i have to hide things from you — be careful of this, careful of that.”

“then, _leave_.”

“what?” jaehyun looked up at his childhood best friend. he waited for taeyong to apologize, tell him wait, that he didn’t really mean it. that it was just in the heat of the moment, but taeyong only walked towards his bedroom door.

he pulled the door open, “go. i don’t want to see you right now.”

✿

“mum?” taeyong hesitated as he set the plates that night.

“yes, sweetie?”

“do you think i’m normal?”

his mother turned to face him with a confused look on her face, “what do you mean?”

taeyong shrugged, suddenly regretting speaking.

“sweetie, i don’t understand what you mean.”

taeyong paused, his index and middle fingers drumming against the bottom of the plates.

he’s not quite sure how he’s meant to word the question.

or if he should say anything at all.

“will i have to go back to the hospital again?”

“for what?”

he could feel heat rising up the back of his neck and towards his ears; he’s embarrassed.

“ _i mean_ ,” he dragged his words out, frustrated, and even more so because it was his mum, “do we even know anyone else who goes to the hospital because of the flowers?”

taeyong’s mother drops her ladle and stares at her son. she’s not angry, not sad.

just speechless.

“what if they get worse and i just…” taeyong trailed off, placing the plate on the table, “nevermind.”

“no, taeyong, what’s wrong?”

“i don’t want to talk about it anymore, please.”

“taeyong…”

taeyong sighed and balled his fist.

he knows he shouldn’t say those words, but they were right on the tip of his tongue and — he said it…

“ _i hate my flowers_. i wish my soulmate would just die so i never have to deal with them again.” taeyong grumbled.

“ _taeyong_!” she cried, garnering the attention of his father in the living room.

“what’s wrong?” his father asked as he made his way into the kitchen to see taeyong looking disgruntled and his wife crying.

taeyong’s mother continued, “why would you ever say something like that?”

“what did he say?”

“nothing.” taeyong interjected, “i just said i wasn’t hungry.” then he softly picked up his own plate and placed it on the kitchen island before walking upstairs to his bedroom.

✿

for the next week, jaehyun and taeyong don’t talk.

which was unusual.

taeyong wasn’t sure if he could recall a time where he didn’t have something to tell jaehyun.

or vice versa.

even if it was the most mundane thing in the world, taeyong had always found a way to spin it into an hour-long conversation somehow.

taeyong paused his only single-player game and turned to look at the clock — 2:48PM, thursday. exactly a week since taeyong had told jaehyun to leave. get out. _fuck off_.

which seemed like taeyong’s best line so far because he just couldn’t find the right words to follow up with.

taeyong frustratingly placed his controller on his bed.

nothing sounded right coming after a swift slap on the face.

nothing ever does.

and just like that, two weeks pass.

jaehyun still hadn’t texted taeyong, but, then again, it wasn’t like taeyong had made an effort to really reach out to jaehyun either.

taeyong looked over at his phone.

he wanted to say something.

 _anything_.

✿

“hello?” taeyong asked as the other line connected.

 _silence_.

“jaehyun?”

still, nothing.

“are you there?”

“yeah…” jaehyun grumbled.

taeyong sighed, “i’m sorry. it’s all my fault. i didn’t mean to say what i said that day; i was frustrated and i was stupid for taking it out on you.”

jaehyun sighed, but nothing came after.

“i’m sorry.” taeyong mumbled once more, then becoming quiet.

he bit away at the dead skin on the surface of his bottom lip as he waited patiently for jaehyun to reciprocate with something. a word. a syllable.

at this point, even a solid, cold ‘no’ would suffice.

but nothing.

taeyong’s front two teeth dug deeper into his bottom lips, “i’m sorry…” he said again, why won’t jaehyun say anything?

“say something. anything.” taeyong begged, his tone desperate.

then, on the other side of the line, jaehyun said, in his defiant voice, “i don’t forgive you.” and hung up.

taeyong sat there, his whole body had now forced his entire digestive system up to his throat.

he takes it back. anything but a solid, cold ‘no’.

 _anything else_.

he swallowed; his insides still adamant about living in his voice box.

taeyong slowly puts his phone down in disbelief.

he was sure that that was what he had heard — _i don’t forgive you_.

✿

what now?

another week passed and taeyong still hadn’t seen or heard from jaehyun at all.

“taeyong?” his mother called as she knocked on his door, “are you in there?”

“yes…” taeyong grumbled.

“are you busy, sweetie?”

“no.”

“well, could you run down to mrs. park’s? i ordered some spices for tonight’s dinner.”

taeyong looked up at his mother from his position on the bed and nodded, “yeah,” he muttered, “i’ll go get changed.”

“okay.” she smiled sadly, weakly, longingly, “don’t forget to be careful when crossing the streets.”

taeyong nodded.

✿

the weather around this time always swung back and forth between being hot as fuck, unbearable and amiable with a light breeze.

and today was one of those hot as fuck, unbearable days.

taeyong stepped out with his hat as he checked that he had everything that he needed.

“okay,” he muttered, reassuring himself.

then he was off.

✿

“jaehyun!” the elderly mrs. park calls out to jaehyun with a bright smile as he steps into the shop. to which jaehyun politely bowed before handing the grocery list over to her.

“how’s your mom lately?” she asked, skimming through the list.

jaehyun nods, “she’s doing good, ma’am. just a little busy. she says ‘hi’.”

mrs. park smiles, “that’s good to hear.” then she leaves her post behind the counter and walked over to the freezer at the back of her store, “do me a favor a watch the store for a moment, i’m going to go get those pork belly your mum has asked for.”

“okay.” jaehyun smiles.

then, mrs. park was gone.

jaehyun swung himself awkwardly back and forth as he waited patiently at the counter.

 _ding_!

taeyong stopped at the entrance of the store. _what the fuck_.

he stands there in his jank ass clothes, just staring.

jaehyun stops his swinging and looks at taeyong, not really sure what to say except, “uh, hey.”

“hey.” taeyong replied abruptly and awkwardly.

he raised his arm real quick for a wave too fast for jaehyun to properly register and immediately drops it, dodging into one of the aisles, hiding.

 _i don’t forgive you_.

taeyong browsed the shelves and, before long, mrs. park returns with the pork belly.

“jaehyun-ah,” she beckons as she slowly made her way over to her station behind the counter, “here you go, sweetie.”

“thank you, mrs. park.” jaehyun smiles with his lips pursed, trying not to think about taeyong hiding behind the spice rack, “here.” he said, handing over the payment for the groceries.

“thank you, dear. have a safe trip and tell your mother i said ‘hi’.”

“will do, mrs. park!” jaehyun calls and there was that jingle again.

jaehyun has left.

but, even then, taeyong made sure to count to twenty under his breath before making his way out from the aisle, “hello, mrs. park.” he said sheepishly.

✿

“yes, ma’am.” taeyong smiled politely, grabbing the grocery bag, “have a good afternoon.” then he was out.

he was going home.

just like that.

except, not like that at all.

“taeyong.” a familiar voice called out to taeyong as he began to make his way back.

taeyong turned over to face the voice that he had grown up with; jaehyun was leaning up against the exterior wall of mrs. park’s shop.

“we should talk.” jaehyun said, standing up straight and leaning forward to pick up his pork belly.

taeyong scrunched his face and looked up at the roaring sun far above — those pork bellies are going to go bad if jaehyun doesn’t get home soon.

“yeah.” taeyong nodded, “i think so too.”

“but i need a few more hours to collect my thoughts first, i’ll call you after?” jaehyun lifted his heavy plastic bag.

“that works for me.” taeyong nodded again, faster this time.

✿

the phone wouldn’t ring.

taeyong stared down at it.

it just wouldn’t ring.

 _i don’t forgive you_.

taeyong shook his head, picking the phone up and falling back against his bedframe with his finger tapping against it impatiently.

then, _the call came_.

“hello?” taeyong said as he answered the phone; excitement pertruding as he thought about the fact that _jaehyun is calling him_.

“hey.”

“how are you feeling?”

“okay.”

“oh.”

“i think we need to talk about what happened…” jaehyun trailed off, not really knowing what to label that incident. a fight? he can’t be sure.

“i think so too.”

the line goes cold, neither boys know what to say.

taeyong wished the words would just come to him.

“um…” he trailed off, trying to jog his word bank. trying to jog jaehyun’s word bank.

but what was there for him to say? sorry? over and over again?

 _i don’t forgive you_.

jaehyun sighed, “i don’t appreciate the way you talked to me that day.”

there it was; taeyong doesn’t blame him.

he nods, “yeah, i completely understand and i’m so sorry that i did what i did.” taeyong paused, but jaehyun’s silence tells him that there’s more he wanted from him, “you’ve been nothing but supportive and thoughtful, i’m not really sure what the word for it is, and it was really … shitty of me to do that to you.”

taeyong listened as jaehyun took a deep breath and sighed.

“that’s all i want to hear.” jaehyun said, finally; it felt like he had just lifted the weight of the milky way off of taeyong’s shoulder.

taeyong instinctively shrugged to loosen up his joints.

“but,” jaehyun started, “i still don’t forgive you entirely.”

taeyong nodded, “i don’t expect you to, but i can work with that. i’m sorry, again.”

and, when the line goes cold this time around, it’s an uncomfortable silence that both boys felt at home with.

this was good.

good enough.

“i’m sorry…” taeyong mumbled once more.

“i know.”

**PRESENT DAY**

the daisies continued to bloom; though the area that they occupied did begin to dwindle.

even then, by day three, taeyong had slowly became desensitized to it.

he’d find himself waking up in the middle of a night for a quick leak and picking the daisies just as a side ‘ _why not_ ’.

it took a while, but jaehyun’s words were finally settling in him… he thinks.

well, he hopes.

the sooner they do the better things will turn out for him.

jaehyun smiles empathetically at him from across the table, small pots of a variety of curry between them, “you doing okay?”

taeyong widened his eyes at the question. then, he nods.

“you don’t look okay…” jaehyun continued.

“i promise i’m fine.”

jaehyun looks over at his best friend, not sure what else to say.

he’s seen this before, there’s really no talking taeyong out of this circle.

“but, thanks. i appreciate it, you know.”

jaehyun’s smile widens as he reaches out, across the river of thai curry, for taeyong’s left hand with his right hand, “i know.” he squeezed, “now eat. it’s gonna go cold.”

**2014**

one in the morning.

taeyong called, crying, at one in the morning.

“ _jaehyun_ ,” he gasped through the microphone. loud music playing just outside the bathroom.

“hmm?” jaehyun hummed, propping himself up; still half awake, “yeah?”

taeyong’s gasp sharply shot through the air once more. this time, they woke jaehyun up.

“ _jaehyun_.” taeyong cried again, “ _they’re back_.” he was breathing heavy. heaving in every breath like it took everything in him to stay alive. jaehyun could very audibly hear the air going down taeyong’s throat.

“what’s wrong?” jaehyun asked, sitting up straight now, “taeyong? what do you mean they’re back?”

taeyong was crying now. physically shaking as he leaned his back against the cold tiles on the bathroom walls, “i can’t breathe; jaehyun, the flowers are back. they’re growing on my head.”

“ _breathe_.” jaehyun cautioned. then, he hears the loud music in the back, “are you at a party?”

taeyong nodded.

“if you are at a party, _stay in the bathroom_. and sit against the wall.” jaehyun said like he’s reading a manuscript. the manuscript he was forced to develop after witnessing taeyong’s field of daisies one too many times, “sit against a wall, taeyong. are you sitting against the bathroom wall?”

taeyong nodded again.

“taeyong, you’re going to have to speak…”

“i am.” he stuttered.

his voice trembling.

“okay, is the door locked?”

“yes. i’m sorry.”

“no,” jaehyun sighed, “don’t apologize for things like this. i told you. you’re going to be okay.”

“i know, i’m sorry i woke you up.”

jaehyun shook his head even though taeyong can’t see him, “what did we promise?”

taeyong doesn’t speak; jaehyun continues, “we promised to be best friends no matter what. and this is what best friends are for, you’re going to be okay. _breathe_.”

“okay. i’m breathing.”

“i’m right here. stay with me.”

“i’m sorry i tried to call my therapist, but—” taeyong rambled

“no.” jaehyun shook his head, “don’t apologize. please. not for this. i’m right here.”

“okay. i’m sorry.”

“it’s okay.”

“you know i love you, right?” taeyong mumbled, stuttering. completely out of it. he raised his hands up against the bathroom light; god, the way it trembled.

“yes.” jaehyun assured him, “i know, and i love you, too.”

“i love you. you’re my best friend.”

“and you are mine. my brother.”

taeyong nods, “will you stay with me? i don’t want to call mr. kim right now.”

“i’ll be right here. you don’t have to call mr. kim right now, but promise me you will tomorrow?”

there was an uncertain silence.

“taeyong,” jaehyun said, “promise me you’ll call him tomorrow.”

“he makes me feel so small.”

“it’s just a process, please tell me you’ll call him tomorrow.”

taeyong swallowed, dropping his hands to his shins — tightly wrapping it around his legs — and dropped his forehead into his knees, “please stay with me.”

“i’m right here, but i need you to promise me.”

“okay.” taeyong nodded, “i promise.”

“i’m right here… i’m right here.”

“i’m sorry.”

jaehyun shook his head, “don’t apologize.”

“i just wish…”

“ _no_.” jaehyun’s voice came out stern, “stop thinking about it. stop it. you were making progress.”

“i’m sorry.”

“taeyong…”

“i’ll visit mr. kim tomorrow.”

“please do.”

“i promise.” taeyong cried, “please stay with me.”

“i’m not going anywhere, taeyong.”

**PRESENT DAY**

“you’re in a shitty mood.” jaehyun teased, pushing taeyong slightly with his left index finger, “what’s the matter?”

taeyong shook his head.

and jaehyun aggressively shook his head, mocking his best friend, “ _i’m okay_.” his voice trembled as his face swung from side to side.

“shut up.” taeyong rolled his eyes, a little smile peeking through the ends, “it’s just the flowers.”

jaehyun stopped, “they’ve stopped?”

“no, no, god no.”

“then what?”

“they’ve grown back.” taeyong reached up to lift up the back portion of his hair.

“damn.”

taeyong shrugged.

“do you want me to pick them off for you?”

taeyong shook his head, “it’s fine. they don’t tickle as much as the other ones.”

“you okay?”

“yeah.”

jaehyun frowned, “you okay, for real?”

“i just…” taeyong struggled to find the right words, “i just wish they’d _stop_.”

“ _taeyong_!” jaehyun snapped. suddenly, things weren’t so funny anymore.

jaehyun sits up, instinctively slapping taeyong’s arm with the back of his hand.

taeyong turned to look at his best friend, eyes wide opened, “no,” he started, “that’s not what i meant.” he looked down at his fumbling fingers, “i just meant that i wish they’d stop being so clumsy. getting hurt so much.”

“don’t say things like that again.”

“i know.”

“have you been seeing—”

“yes.” taeyong leaned into jaehyun’s sofa, “i’m sorry,” he sighed, throwing his head back, “i should’ve worded it better. i didn’t mean for it to come across like that.”

“just, don’t say it anymore. it’s not healthy.”

taeyong nodded, “my bad. they words just came, i’m sorry.”

but he couldn’t stop thinking about it.

the little interaction between him and jaehyun brought him straight back to his last year of middle school.

at least, the summer after his middle school graduation.

**2008**

“i don’t want to go.” taeyong whined, sitting in the back of his dad’s hyundai.

“it’ll be good for you.”

“what even is a therapist?” he rolled his eyes, arms crossed over his chest. he’s sulky. he had made plans to play with jaehyun and his other friends. they were supposed to be playing soccer that day, but instead he’s on his way to see a mr. kim.

“he’s going to be able to help you.”

“i don’t need help…”

taeyong’s dad took his eye off the road for a moment to look up at his son, “why don’t you give mr. kim a try? he might be able to help you deal with… i don’t know, _your flowers_.”

taeyong shook his head in discontent; of course this had to do with his flowers.

✿

“taeyong, is it?” mr. kim smiled encouragingly, eyes creasing behind his heavy set glasses, “how are you doing, taeyong?”

“fine.”

“well, your dad told me that you’ve been having issues with your flowers?”

taeyong said nothing, so mr. kim continued.

“he also mentioned that you had a little accident a while back? do you want to talk about it?”

“no. not really.”

“how come? is something bothering you? something about your flowers doesn’t sit right with you?”

taeyong looked away from his feet and up at mr. kim, he knows he’s being coerced into speaking, but he opens his mouth anyway, “don’t your flowers bother you?” he rolled his eyes.

“all the time. that’s why i decided to work in this field. to help others like me.”

taeyong rolled his eyes again.

“you know, taeyong. why don’t we talk about something else. tell me about yourself.”

**PRESENT DAY**

“we’ve been at it for years now.” mr. kim laughed, pouring both of them a cup of hot tea, “you still struggle to speak every time you come in.”

but taeyong doesn’t find it as amusing.

mr. kim proceeds, “so, tell me, what brings you here today? this isn’t our usual schedule.” before taking a sip of his tea. he crosses his leg, pen and paper on his lap, and sits snuggly against the back of his chair.

they’ve been at this for years now; he knows that there’s no making taeyong speak if he doesn’t feel like it. so he waits, patiently, as taeyong fumbled with the large cloud of thoughts in his hands, untangling them to make something cohesive.

finally, taeyong speaks, “the flowers… they’ve stopped.”

mr. kim raises an eyebrow, his body suddenly stiffened.

yes, this could be a great thing, but, by the looks of his posture, taeyong didn’t seem to think so.

“they usually come back around every few weeks, sometimes in smaller sizes, but, this time, they’ve stopped completely. it’s been two months since i’ve had anything.” taeyong runs his hands roughly through his hair a couple times before raising them both for mr. kim to see, “see? nothing.”

“maybe they’ve just been in the hospital, getting treated. you did mention that the last time you had daisies, they went up to your head.”

taeyong sucked at his teeth, not really accepting this hypothesis, “yeah, but that’s why i’m so nervous.”

“why don’t we give it another week or two?” mr. kim suggested, “we really can’t be for sure just yet.”

taeyong looked over, he’s frowning, eyebrows creasing.

mr. kim repeated, more for assurance than anything else, “give it another week. then we’ll talk about the possibilities of… that happening, okay?”

taeyong stares, his eyelids droopy, heavy. he sighs, “okay.”

“don’t worry about it too much.”

that day, taeyong left mr. kim’s office feeling a little heavier in his chest, but he does his best to disregard it. after all, there’s a possibility that mr. kim was right. maybe his soulmate was just… taking a break from causing mischief and breaking bones.

“jaehyun?” he pulls out his phone as he starts his car, “are you free tonight?” he just needed a distraction.

“yeah, why?”

“let’s have a barbecue night on my porch. tonight.”

there was a pause, “are you feeling okay?”

“yeah, i’m fine. are you free?”

“uh, yeah. i think so.”

taeyong nodded and made a left turn onto the main street, “sweet. and i don’t know, just wanted to be around friends tonight, i think.”

“okay, if you say so — oh wait.” jaehyun interjected, “did you hear?”

“fucking hell, just go.” taeyong muttered, annoyed, under his breath at the driver to the left of his vehicle. he motioned his hand — go. but the driver doesn’t budge.

taeyong rolled his eyes and stepped on his pedal, “hear what?”

“you need to relax when you’re on the road.”

“that guy wouldn’t move!” taeyong said, raising up his hands momentarily as if jaehyun could see his hands waving defensively in the air, “if that guy moved it would’ve been okay.”

“you should visit a shrink for that too.”

taeyong rolled his eyes, “the road just sucks. tell me, what did you hear?”

“it’s about that thai actor that you really liked, fuck i can’t remember his name.”

“uh...” taeyong absent-mindedly asked as he looked at either side of the road before driving, “i don’t remember his name either, but i know who you’re talking about.”

“yeah, it’s something really long. i can’t remember. but he was shooting that movie last year… _neo culture something_.”

“technology?”

“i think so.”

“he had an accident on set, did you see?”

“what?”

“yeah. i’m not really sure what happened, but he’s in the hospital right now. apparently, anyway.”

taeyong sighed, “god, that’s fucking terrible...” as he pulled into a red light, “i can’t imagine what all the people connected to him must be feeling right now.”

“right?” there was a silence as jaehyun gathered his courage to ask the question, “do you think that — you know, their _soulmate_ or something — had the worst few months of their life?”

“even more so than me.” taeyong shook his head, “i can’t even imagine it.”

“it’s insane,” jaehyun sighed, “well, i’ll update you about my schedule, yeah?”

taeyong nodded, “okay, i’ll see you.”

**✿**

**THAI ACTOR PASSES FROM FATAL ACCIDENT WHILE PERFORMING STUNT**

At around 7 PM last night, Chittaphon Leechaiyapornkul, best known by his stage name: Ten Lee, was reportedly rushed to the hospital for excessive internal bleeding from wounds caused by an accident on set.

Just five months after his recovery from his recent motorbike accident.

Sources state that the staff on set had allegedly overlooked the proper safety measures and procedures needed for the stunt that the beloved action movie hero was scheduled to attempt, resulting in the safety wires snapping mid action.

Ten Lee took a thirty meter drop, fracturing his spine, breaking two rib bones, and dislocation his shoulder, the reports said.

The actor was rushed to the hospital to be treated.

But, after months of battling with his injuries, the actor passed.

**Author's Note:**

> [twitter |](https://twitter.com/lovetalkwoo) [curiouscat](https://curiouscat.me/bbywoo)


End file.
